eBook: Sex Education

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Do you know how hard it is to find sex education resources?  It's just impossible.  But it's needed.  You do a google search on "sex education" and see what you find.  This book is pretty general and doesn't take extreme viewpoints.  It's OK.

I remember my sex ed at school.  It took about 10 weeks for all of the parents to get over the whole idea and there was a lot of fuss.  It was a small country town and we were very backwards.  The big day came and we were all very excited about what the school would actually say.  The whole grade 12 class got crammed into a small room in the library and a nurse was introduced.  Before anything started, someone from our grade shouted out "What's a frenchie Miss?". The Deputy Principal (a woman, it had to be a woman) yelled at all of us "That's it!  Get out all of you!  You all have detention!"  And that was it.  So much fuss for nothing.  You probably have just as much luck as my teachers did.

Gosh, and later on I became very messed up with sex.  Who would have thought?  And of course my parents would not say anything.  It was made a taboo subject and teens JUST LOVE taboo subjects.  Want to make a teenager obsessed with something?  Make it something you can't speak about.  And there you have it - how to make a whole generation addicted to sex.  

Here's my sex ed curriculum:

1. AIDS - yes, there is medication.  But you need to take a truckload of steroids to maintain any muscles. Or your face falls off your skull and you look 70 years old and your bum disappears to somewhere near your knees.  And then there's the diarrhea.  Lots of it.  Lots and lots of diarrhea. More than you have ever imagined.  And steroids in men make you lose your hair and your testicles go away. The problem with AIDS is not discrimination anymore.  It's silly people thinking there is "treatment" for the illness that won't change their life dramatically, so they stop using condoms.  The treatment is a truckload of strong and often quasi-experimental medication that throws your body around, slams it up against a brick wall and runs over it in a tank.  Case in point, Andreas, one of my favorite singers:

"I have HIV and it doesn't change my life at all."	Ten years later: "See, no change. I haven't aged at all.  And as long as I always smile like this, the skin on my face stays up just like I had normally working internal muscle tension."

2. Teen pregnancy - my sister had seven children, starting at age 16.  Show the girls a photo of what's left down there.  Search "prolapse".  There's a reason why rich celebrities have surrogates.

3. Menstruation - watch Carrie, the movie.  It's not evil, or embarrassing.  I remember once my Grade 5 girls got asked to leave class, without any warning.  Another female teacher had decided it was "time" to teach the girls about all of that stuff.  No-one questioned the teacher's ethics and let her do it.  My kids came back crying.  They were told that they would soon start bleeding and this was a sign from God that they are all sinners, because Eve sinned first.  And it was dirty and disgusting and all that.  True story.  Someone should have checked what the teacher's own viewpoint was.

4. Sexual diversity - get a 50 year old truck-driver butch heavily tattooed gay man, come transsexual, come woman, come lesbian to march into your class and yell at everyone about their awful life and how they will bash anyone who laughs at them, and it will put the fear of God into your students. 

5. Private parts - "Hands up who hasn't already seen a truckload of pornography from the internet?"  No-one puts their hand up.  "Right, then that's finished then."

6. Realistic expectations of sex - for homework, force students to watch porn without being able to fast-forward through the boring bits.

7. And now for serious issues - drugs.  Let's get to the real problem.  Young people have much more unsafe sex when they are drunk or on drugs.  Deal with that and you will deal with a lot of sex problems. 

8. And do more than education for girls to understand condoms.  It's a boy's responsibility.

9. The Catholic church.  It's not meant to be taken literally.  Condoms are OK.  If everyone followed the Catholic church's example there would be a lot more pedophiles in the world.  They don't even follow their own rules.

10. Why does this even belong at school anyway?  Where the hell are parents?  Wouldn't you think that this was one thing parents would want to do themselves and not leave it to a stranger?  

Of course you could always watch the "Sex Education Show" at http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-sex-education-show/4od

If you need parents to sign a permission form for regular sex ed, every parent will need their own lawyer to get through the permission forms for the Sex Education Show.  It has strange similarities to the Monty Python skit about sex ed in The Meaning of Life.  It's very graphic, just like the series Embarrassing Bodies.  You can download them all from the UK (Channel 4) or any torrent site.  (Embarrassing bodies is very embarrassing to watch.  A patient walks into a doctor's office and says "I have an itch down there".  The doctor has a look, with a very close up camera, and you see the whole infection in glorious macro mode with very bright lighting. You really have seen nothing like it.  When the show says "no limits" they mean "no limits".)

If you want the birds and bees, you can literally watch the birds and the bees with Isabella Rossellini.  That will confuse the heck out of your students. They won't know who she is or what she's doing and if they need to dress up like her to have teen sex.  They will be so confused and terrified they will never even think about sex.  You must watch the video below.  It's mad.

And here's some boring stuff - http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Sex_educa... or http://www.fpv.org.au/teachers-schools

Speaking of strange videos, I saw an education series about death, accidents and hospital treatment. It was called "Autopsy Life and Death".  A biology teacher may well be drawn the the "educational" nature of it.

See that man in the funny hat?  He looks and sounds like Dr Frankenstien.  And he spends the whole episode cutting up dead people very dramatically, while wearing the funny hat.  Want to show people what a muscle tendon looks like?  Freeze a person, cover them in cling-film, get an overly dramatic huge circular saw that looks like something out of David Copperfield's magic stage show, slowly saw off the head, the arms, the legs, saw the torso in half and then point to a tiny thing that you really could have shown a picture of.  Repeat with at least another ten dead people, most of them "fresh" and just with a tiny cloth covering their eyes.  Replicate a suicide.  Fit an IV drip of red fluid to someone's arm, cut their wrists and watch the red liquid go down the arm and out of the cut.  Collect it in a bucket.  Time it and measure it like you are a maths teacher.  And always have a fully naked man around, ready to point at.  Point at him often. Why does he have to be fully naked to have his lungs pointed at? 

It's vomit inducing stuff.  I had to turn it off when it got far too gross for words.  Basically there was a point where the creepy man showed that the human body is covered in skin that's like a big balloon.  If you take everything out and leave all of the blood, it ends up being a big pool of blood in an empty human skin.  God knows why anyone would ever need to know that.

And right at the end of the episode, get a staged actor in the "audience" to ask a completely non-related question like "How do I do CPR?"  A nurse comes out with a training dummy and shows everyone.  There, that's the educational value.

And there was another TV special planned with the same crazy doctor:

In 2003 TV Production Company Mentorn proposed a documentary called Futurehuman in which von Hagens would perform a series of modifications on a corpse to demonstrate 'improvements' to human anatomy. The controversy was sparked when the company, with von Hagens, appealed publicly for, and recruited, a terminally-ill person to donate his body for the project. The documentary was cancelled after the body donor pulled out.

Literally a "mad doctor".  You can't trust just any old expert to give advice or to set your curriculum.

I suppose what I am getting at is that sex education is pretty simple when you come down to it.  Sex isn't exactly hard to get a grip on. God let Adam and Eve do it, and if they didn't do it, we wouldn't be here.  Kids are going to work it out if you don't get involved.  Just expose them to the facts.  The facts make everything boring.  How often do the average couple have sex?  How large is the average man's thing-o?  How long does sex last?  What list of 1001 things can make men not "perform".  The facts are much more boring than the real thing.  Take all of the fun out of it by being honest about it. And if you don't want to do it as a teacher (I would never do it) give some DVDs to parents.  The "Sex Education Show" on Channel 4 makes it far, far too honest.  It's one of those things that once you see it, you can never erase those images from your head.

Here's another funny story.  I was on a big national committee for girls and IT - for girls to take science and technology subjects, study them at university and gets careers in IT and science.  So I saw a conference of "Girls and IT" and I went.  I was the only man in the whole place, and I sat right in the middle. Then the conference started.  And it was actually all about menstruation, and some on-line club that girls can join to talk about it.  It was a wonderful conference, but not what I expected.  I was so embarrassed and I felt like a creepy old man.  I pretended my phone rung (very badly) and I left, very, very red in the face.  And at the time I was some big-wig government person going to a teacher day.  And they were all wondering why I was there in the first place.  Never again.